Lesbanim Mom.

First a review...and then a giveaway!

2010-12-07T15:15:00.000-07:00

Lucky for me the great folks over at CSN Stores have asked me to do a review of one of their great products!

CSN is comprised of over 200 websites, including everything from luggage stores to furniture and children's toys!

To begin with I'm going to review this really adorable Wowwee Alive White Tiger . I'm so excited to do this review because my four year old daughter is a future Zoologist and is OBSESSED with all things animal. I love that the CSN toy store focuses on learning and imagination, there were so many things to choose from, but this little tiger caught my eye and I couldn't resist.

Next week I'm going to be doing my first giveaway on this blog...so stay tuned for the details on that!

It's that time of year again...

2010-12-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

I have never been one of those fanatical Christmas people. I don't decorate my house or dress my dog in a santa suit.

One thing that I hate the most about this time of year is spending money. I love buying things for my kids, but there is so much pressure to give them a "big christmas" that I end up stressed out about what I can't buy them instead of enjoying what I can.

So I think this year I am going to scour the internet for deals, and I'm going to pass them all on to everyone else, I know I'm not the only one sweatin the last minute christmas shopping blues.

So first off I wanted to share my new find.Ebates. Shop at your favorite stores through them and GET MONEY BACK! How awesome is that?

So click this link to sign up, and right away you'll have five bucks (and I'll get five bucks too!) in your account. You can have your money sent to you by check or to your paypal account. Super easy!

http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=1AoeCMrTAQ%2FV5CfcfCxuSg%3D%3D

If you sign up using this link, comment on this post and get ten entries in next weeks giveaway that I'm planning... it's pretty awesome, so you don't want to miss out!

When Life just...gets away from you.

2010-10-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

Ugh. How many times have I been derelict in my posting duties...and then come back a month or three later and apologized, promising to post more often?

Too many times. LOL.

Buuuuut....here I am, again. Apologizing for my lack of posting and promising to be better.

The last few months have been crazy busy... custody disputes, kidney disease and my baby sister getting married.

Now I'm back in the swing of things, life has gotten back to a point where I can find the time to pay attention to all my blog-friends again.

So I can't promise I'll have anything interesting to say, but I can promise that I'll say something at least!

The Common Thread: Knitting and Crocheting for HIV/AIDS patients

2010-06-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to tell everyone about the Knit/Crochet Charity that we have started...

The idea for The Common Thread started when we were trying to decide on our next charity project for the members of our message board (www.queerky.com) to take part in as a group.

When we couldn’t find one that provided comfort to AIDS hospice organizations and HIV/AIDS patients specifically…we decided to start one of our own!

The Common Thread will be knitting and crocheting items to send to HIV/AIDS support centers and AIDS hospice patients in our members area. Each “cycle” we will take turns having our members choose the location we will send our package to.

We welcome ALL who want to be a part of this group, any skill level is welcome!

If you are interested in participating or donating yarn or materials visit The Common Thread Facebook or Ravelry pages for more information or email commonthreademail@gmail.com.

American Cancer Society: Relay for LIFE!

2010-04-16T08:55:00.002-07:00

On May 1st my teamates and I will participate in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.

I am walking to honor my baby sister who BEAT her cancer, for my Grandmother who WILL BEAT her cancer, and the members of our family we will always remember who lost their fight.

If everyone I knew donated ONE DOLLAR I could double my fundraising goal. Who doesn't have ONE DOLLAR to spare for a good cause?

American Cancer Society Relay for Life: Team Glow On!

For every donation of ONE DOLLAR OR MORE you will be entered in our Pampered Chef Giveaway...details to come later.

I am so bad!

2010-04-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

I am the worst blogger.

I just go through these phases where I don't have anything interesting to say. Instead of talking...today I will share a hilarious video clip that I found on Twitter. (if you want to follow me on Twitter @lalolagirl)

I think that this guy might be my Gay-boy soulmate. lol

Back in the BabyWearin game...

2010-03-12T08:18:00.003-07:00

I discovered BabyWearing when my youngest daughter was about four months old. I was doing daycare and had too many kids and not enough hands. It saved my life. Now that she is getting bigger (she's three and a half) I don't have the need to use my Ring Sling as often as I used to... but that is all changin.

I'm doing daycare again during the week, and I am finding that I need a new carrier again! I love my Ring sling...but I miss having a Mei Tai. I'm in the market again for a new one. It's so exciting.

This is my old MTC (Mei Tai Carrier) that I sold a couple years ago... I loved it, I think maybe I may have to find another one of these.

I can see clearly now...

2010-03-05T12:34:00.002-07:00

the fuzz is gone!

I got my new glasses today. It's amazing the difference these little lenses make. It's awesome being able to look at the computer screen without squinting...and being able to read the text!

I don't have a decent picture yet..but will post later.

In other news, I'm tired. I have been having crazy weird dreams so when I wake up I feel like I was running a marathon in my sleep. Awesome right? NOT.

I'm excited for tomorrow because I actually may be able to sleep until like eight am. How awesome is that? Six hours of sleep in one night is practically a record for me!

Coffee, I love you.

2010-03-02T08:29:00.001-07:00

My bestest was in a car accident last night, so I have been awake since she called me at four am to tell me what happened.

The only thing keeping me horizontal right now is my coffee.

When you can't change it, just let it go.

2010-03-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life things happen that you just can't control.

Even with the best of intentions, and all the effort in the world, things can just go to shit, and there is nothing you can do to change it. You just have to pick it up, and take it with you. Put it in the back of your mind and chalk it up to another experience gained.

That is easier said than done sometimes, trust me... I know.

You can love people completely and without reservation and still get hurt. It isn't fair. Things happen to us that we don't deserve, and sometimes the bad guys win. It just isn't fair.

Unfortunately that's life.

I gained a new perspective on it all yesterday. I learned that you just have to let it go. You have to. You can't carry around the hurt forever, because all it does is twist you in knots, and that doesn't do anything but make it worse. If you can just let it all go, then you can find some peace. You can look at the situation without that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

So this is me, letting it all go.

Saturday Morning...

2010-02-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

I"m not a morning person.

I've been forced to be because somehow BOTH of my children are morning people. Even way back in-utero.

So here I am. It's early on a Saturday morning and I'm awake, and dressed to run errands. *sigh*

I just want to go back to bed...

Why do I bother?

2010-02-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

I've learned this lesson before.

Why do I bother trying to defend myself in these situations? I should be used to it. I should have a thicker skin... bla bla BLA.

I'm just sick of it. I'm sick and FUCKING TIRED of getting emails from people that I don't know, because they saw my name being posted somewhere. I'm tired of seeing things said about me. Even if only two or three people actually recognize that its me being talked about... it still Fing sucks.

Maybe I should get a new identity. New name, new emails, new blog, new everything. Hide from the world.

*dang* I wasn't going to be Ragey anymore. Damnit.

Kids coming out of my ears...

2010-02-26T08:26:00.001-07:00

So this whole "working from home" thing has turned into me babysitting for friends while they are at work.

I don't mind... I remember how hard it is to find daycare, especially for kids that are not quite preschool age...that shit is EXPENSIVE. I'm cool with playing Mary Poppins.

Today I have kids coming out of my ears. lol. We only live in an 11oo square foot two bedroom apartment...so when I have more than one extra one at a time... it makes it feel like I've got ten. It's great for my three year old, she gets kids to play with and she needs that socialization...but its been a rude awakening for her spoiled little butt. She's used to her sister (who has four sisters at her dads house) basically just giving her whatever she wants and not fighting with her... and the kids her own age that I watch...well needless to say they do not offer her the same courtesy. lol

Annyyyways. In other news my "stalker" has returned to her old ways and is trashtalking me all over the internet again. I find that this time, instead of getting all ragey about it... I feel sorry for her. She has kids...she has a husband and a family... why can't she just leave me alone? It's strange to me to have this absence of rage. I guess its a good thing though right? By getting angry I was just giving her what she wanted... maybe by feeling sorry for her instead...she won't get the satisfaction that she is looking for...and maybe...just maybe... will find someone else to obsess over. Here's hoping.

aaaannnnd last but not least.... my baby sister is getting MARRIED. For crying out loud I feel old.

Please Vote for Ruby!

2010-02-25T10:44:00.001-07:00

We need YOUR VOTE!

Please vote for Ruby!

http://www.simplytoimpress.com/photo-contest/5882.html

The only Man for me

2010-02-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... once again I'm a bad blogger. I'm prompted to blog again by The Crazy Hip Bloggers. Today's prompt: Animal Antics

This is Baxter, our 1 1/2 year old Chihuahua, and he loves his sweater.

Farewell Dear Friend...

2010-01-24T17:59:00.001-07:00

I realized today that I spend too much time on the Fing internet.

When I saw on Facebook that Queerky had closed (for those of you who have no idea what that is...it was a message board frequented by awesome Lesbo's and other such Queers) I was shocked and totally felt like I had lost a friend.

Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't met any of the women on Queerky (except one I already knew before Q) but I consider them all my friends. When anything in my life is going on that I want to talk about, that is the first place that I go.

I gathered much of my strength to come out from those women, some who had been in my shoes, and some that were in them at the same time. It's like having a big sister, you know you can go ask the dirty questions that no one else will answer.

A few months ago (or maybe it was longer...) an announcement was made by the owner of Q that she planned to close down...but after a week of begging from all of us members, she changed her mind and stayed open. I started a new board when that happened, for everyone to go to that was, like me, lost without Queerky to run to.

So today I say farewell to my dear friends on Queerky who's paths I may not cross again... and welcome any and all to the replacement (but never as grand) board. LesMo.

I'd like to say my hair...but not today.

2010-01-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Once again I am prompted to blog by a contest. I know, this must get old, me only posting when I'm trying to win something...but look at it this way, at least I'm blogging? I just haven't felt like I had much to say lately. I've been in a bit of a rut lately, but I'm thinking that it's time to break out.

So this morning's post is prompted by another contest at The Crazy Hip Bloggers. TCHB paired up with Loose Lips New York to give away a $50 gift card to Loose Lip New York's website to the lady (or gent I suppose) with the chosen post about what she thinks her(or his) favorite feature is. Now this is a HAAAARD one for me. I don't really think too much about my features. Or at least, I try not to.

Once upon a time (in a galaxy far far away...lol) I would have said that I had great legs. Well... a couple of kids later not so much....lol. Back in those days, I had a decent body, long curly blond hair and cute little (perky) boobies.... again...now....not so much. Now, I'm ok with all of that. I don't obsess about what was, or is now. I just look back on those days fondly.

These days I'm a little fluffier (thank you Gabriel Iglesias for that term) and less tan, and less blond and curly...but definitely more secure in who I am.

I've been cheerleader Barbie. I've been the hot girl, and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. When you look like that, people don't take you seriously. You can bet that the reason they are talking to you, isn't because of what you have to say, but because of what you looked like when they were walking over to you.

Being how I am now, I know that when someone shows an interest in me, it isn't because of my looks, it is because they honestly value what I have to offer.

If you ask me these days, what my best feature is... I don't think of that in terms of what feature looks the best. I think that my best feature are the features that I value the most, and that is the scars of what got me to where I am. A few stretchmarks here and there, a scar on my arm from the IV they put in when I had my second baby... the scar on my knee that I got playing with my oldest daughter at the park. These are the things that made me more than just a sum of my parts. Those scars made Cheerleader Barbie a Mom. THAT is what is attractive about me now.

I guess, if I had to pick... I have pretty nice eyes too. lol

Chores. Yay.

2010-01-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning debating between being really productive and cleaning my house, doing all the laundry and baking cookies....and being reeeeeaaaalllly lazy and sitting on my butt and crocheting baby hats all day long.

I decided to go with being lazy... then I get up and I sit on my couch and start surfing my usual blogs...and The Crazy Hip Bloggers have a giveaway contest about doing laundry. So now I'm sitting here thinking about laundry, and starting to feel really guilty about my decision to be lazy. Then I'm surfing some random blogs and find not one,not TWO, but THREE BLOGS IN A ROW about various household chores.

Crap.

So now I'm going to post this entry, then get started being productive, because apparently the Universe wants my house clean today.

Now, back to the giveaway contest. The Crazy Hip Bloggers teamed up with LTDchix and are giving away a Laundry Mom Thermal shirt to the Mom with the best answer to "How do you know its clean?".

Ok, now for this to really make sense I have to give you a little bit of background. When I was 14 I had complications after a surgery that required the inside of my nose and back of my throat to be cauterized without anesthesia. After that I have had a really dulled sense of smell. It has to be REALLY strong before I can smell it at all. Like other people in the room are gagging and choking and passing out before I even know that something stinks.

Ok, so most Moms would sniff the laundry to see if it was clean or not. This method doesn't work for me because obviously, I can't smell it if it is just a little bit dirty. So I devised a much more effective method.

I make my three year old sniff it.

She's the only one who is home with me during the day when I'm doing the laundry...so she follows me around and everytime there is a questionable piece of clothing... I tell her to smell it. If she makes a face, then I know it goes in the basket... if she says it smells like towels (fabric softener) then it goes in the "clean pile" and gets put back away.

Some people may say that it isn't fair to force a three year old to sniff stink....but hey, ya gotta do what you gotta do!

Guilt.

2010-01-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

I remember sitting on the floor of the Womens Clinic the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. All I could think about was how MY life was about to be turned upside down, and how I was going to deal with being a Mom at 17. I cried so hard that the nurse thought I was having a seizure or something. All of the plans for my life that I had, going to college, having a career... all of it was slipping away. I was panicked.

Nine months later I was sitting in the rocking chair in her bedroom looking down at her tiny 1 day old face and feeling SO GUILTY that I had ever thought that she was going to ruin my life. She WAS my life. My plans for my life had changed, and now I was going to do everything I could to give her the ability to acheive the dreams that I wasn't going to have for myself...or to acheive her dreams, whatever they were going to be.

Now here we are almost nine years later. Over the last nine years I've had new things to feel guilty for. Not being able to have the peaceful kind of relationship with her father that I wanted, not being able to afford to give her all of the expensive stuff I'd love to be able to give her. I've felt guilty for where we were, which wasn't where I wanted us to be.

Along with that guilt, has come the realization that even though I feel badly for those things... I give her everything that I can give her. She and her sister are the best stupid things I ever did. Our life isn't perfect, but it's the best that I have been able to do and that is good enough as long as I love them with everything I have.

Guilt is natural, same as Love.

I started this post to enter a contest to win "Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids."from Parentopia on The Crazy Hip Bloggers but sitting down to think about what I was going to write...really helped me. I needed the dose of perspective today!

Is it WHO you are, or WHAT you are, or is it BOTH?

2009-12-05T21:19:00.001-07:00

A conversation with an old friend brought about a few interesting questions tonight.

While reminiscing about the "good ol' days" and telling stories that we had both heard a million times... my friend brought up a series of what I like to call "bad decision boyfriends". You know, those relationships you had in highschool that you look back on now and wonder WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.
My friend asks me "Don't you wish you would have been a lesbian back then?". I told him that I was a lesbian back then, I just wasn't a very brave one. It was easier to pretend to be straight than to be who I was.
To which he remarked "You mean what you are. You are a lesbian, it is what you are not who you are."
HMMM. Is that the way it is? Is being a lesbian what I am, or is it who I am? Or maybe it's both.

Now that is something to ponder...

Feelin like a lil Aerosmith today...

2009-12-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

Aerosmith - New Music - More Music Videos

Sometimes you just need a nap.

2009-12-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in the last few weeks because I just don't have anything at all interesting to say.

Life is as it always is, we are just keepin on keepin on. Kids are good, fam is good... pets are good... nothing to complain about.

I'm tired though. I'm SO.TIRED. I feel like I could just lay down and take a three hour nap, and I don't know why. I really am not doing anything that would make me so tired... I'm guessing I'm anemic again or something along those lines, but at this point it isn't worth the few hundred dollars of lab tests to find out. Maybe I just need a nap. Sometimes you just need a nap.

So ya... that is what's going on.

Coupons make me happy.

2009-11-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

I have never liked spending money. I love the way a wad of cash looks like in my wallet...and it has always pained me to have to hand that money over to someone else.

The only exception to my shopping avoidance...is the grocery store.

I love the grocery store. I usually go by myself...and I can walk around for hours just looking at everything.

A couple years ago my daughters Aunt started doing this coupon program and she was getting TONS of stuff for free, and for ridiculously cheap. It seemed like a really complicated process, so I just let her do all the work, and enjoyed our stacked pantry.

Now that we no longer are roomates... I have to do it for myself. It's so much fun!

Sunday and Wednesday are now my favorite days of the week because of the Sunday Paper coupons, and the Wednesday Grocery Ads that come in the mail. I clip my coupons and sit with the grocery ads for an hour mapping out the best deals and the best prices I can get with my coupons. I also print coupons from online and joined a couple of really great Coupon-Mom forums to take advantage of the REALLY great coupon shoppers. Some of these women have stocked up over a years worth of toothpaste, toilet paper and canned goods.

Very little relaxes me as much as a stack of coupons and a grocery list.

I love the feeling of walking out of the grocery store with a cart full of groceries and having only spent a few dollars, or the amazed looks of other shoppers.

Anyways, I just felt like sharing my love of coupons with the blog world.

Keep on Keepin on.

2009-11-07T20:13:00.000-07:00

The last month has been a bit of a roller coaster. Emotionally of course, cause I've never even been on a roller coaster. lol

Anyways.

It started with my sudden realization that things might not end up the way I have been planning for them to.

The wedding that I pictured in my head, probably not going to happen. Maybe someday it will, but it just isn't in the cards right now. Even at the point when the cards start to turn in our favor... it's not going to be the ideal wedding that lives in my head. My family won't be there, and the odds are my friends from back home won't be either. It will be a ceremony in front of Gf's important people...which is still good, but like I said... not ideal.

The next dip on the coaster came when Gf kind of sprung on me, that maybe she doesn't want another baby after all.

I almost freaked out. Well actually, I totally did freak out. Not almost. It was like someone had just ripped the rug from under my feet and I was laying flat on my back and staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what just happened.

It wasn't that long ago that we were talking about baby names...and now she might not want to have another one? Um. Wait. That doesn't work for me.

Having a baby is 175% part of the way I see my future. I'm not done having babies. I want another go-round. I want to plan a baby, I want to enjoy and celebrate being pregnant. I want a REAL baby shower with guests that actually want to be there and a cute cake and lame games. I want to paint a nursery and pick out adorable baby shoes and soft little blankets.

Those are things I missed out on with my first two pregnancies. I didn't get to have the happy stuff, and I feel like part of me isn't complete until I have the opportunity to experience those things.

I don't think that is too much to ask. I mean, I'm not talking about wanting to go out and pick a donor tomorrow... I'm talking about a couple of years down the road... and now she is saying that that will maybe never happen.

That's kind of a dealbreaker for me.

So that brought me to this big moral dilemma. Do I stay with someone that doesn't want the same things that I want...someone who's life plan doesn't include the major thing that mine does... or do I put that dream aside for now and hope it all works out in the end? Or do I just let the dream go all together, and take it as the cost of being with someone I love.

I decided to go with option B. Put it aside for now, because there isn't anything I can do and losing Gf isn't an option. Not for me, and not for the kids I already have. She is our family now, and to me, family sticks it out.

So now I'm back to where I was a while back. Just keepin on Keepin on.

Sunday's are my Friday's.

2009-10-04T19:23:00.000-07:00

So these day's I work Wednesday through Sunday... so Sunday's are my Friday's.

Now, I'm not a terribly exciting person, so it doesn't reaaaalllly matter what day my friday falls on. I'm not goin out and clubbin or barhoppin or any of that kind of thing. My Friday, no matter if it falls on a Sunday or a Saturday will always be spent the same way.... sittin on my couch, catchin up on the stuff I missed through the week in Blog-land and then catching up on the stuff I DVR'rd through the week... playing on facebook (I'm so addicted to Fish World that it is insanely sad).

Tonight I also taught my 8 year old how to start a load of laundry and start the washing machine. That made me happy. The idea that I can start delegating that to her as a chore sometime in the near future... I like that idea.

Not that I don't liiike doing the laundry. I'd rather do laundry than dishes... but one less thing that I (or Gf for that matter) have to do the better. I mean, come on. One of the perks of having children is the eventual slave labor. LOL.

In other news, nothing new really goin on around here. Same ol, Same Ol. Just gettin through every day and looking forward to every tomorrow. That's really all anyone can do right?

Watching Babe

2009-10-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

I had never watched Babe before today.

My three year old climbed in bed with me after Gf left for work and asked to watch a movie. Of course there were no movies on for kids at that point except for Babe.
I wasn't sure if I could tolerate a movie about a talking pig. I mean, I could barely sit through Charlottes Web.

But I found myself totally into it. I think that I may have to use "That'll do Pig" as my new catchphrase.

Totally adorable.

And now my kid is pretending to be a pig . Even more adorable.

It's my Monday

2009-09-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

So I've always been very into music. All kinds of music. Just wanted to share some lyrics this morning... cause its my Monday, I feel like posting, but don't have the mental capacity to find anything meaningful to say.

It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

when I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch
Well some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday
Well tomorrow may be shaky
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying
'Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard
But you've broken all my walls
You've been my strength, so strong
And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

Save me From Myself by Christina Aguilera

The Flu. Ick

2009-09-15T16:58:00.000-07:00

The Flu bug visited our house this week. Thank God it's over. Gf got it first, then it hit me yesterday... I didn't get as sick as she did, but sick enough to remember why I hate being sick.

It's over now, and I don't feel fantastic, but I feel better than I did yesterday. Now I get to go over to my Bestests house and help her go through her madness of a closet and pack up stuff. Whooo hooo.

lol

Oh, and just to acknowledge... Patrick Swayze died. *sigh* Sad. I feel like the whole world should watch Dirty Dancing tonight.

Survey Says...

2009-09-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I was lookin at my visitor locations. You know, the list of how many people have viewed my blog, where they came from, and how they got to me...and I realized that more people are reading than I thought! Which is awesome.

I would really REALLY love to know who's lookin and how they found me... so if you are reading this...pretty please leave me a comment and say Hi! If you don't mind revealing your "identity" I'd love to get to know ya, and how you found me!

Thaaaaaaannnnkkkkks!

For those of you who feel what I'm feelin.

2009-09-12T19:32:00.001-07:00

I am a mother. It is my purpose, my reason for waking up every day. Someday a time will come when one of my kids comes to me with a situation that I don't agree with. Maybe it will be a boyfriend, or a mistake that was made, or an opinion I don't share. Someday that will happen.

When that day comes, what am I going to do? I am going to LOVE my kid. I am going to tell them that no matter the mistake, or their choices, or their opinions, or who they fundamentally turn out to be, I will love, and support them. THAT is what I will do.

I won't hold my love and devotion as a prize for good behavior or for following the path that I would most like for them to be on. I will not punish them for being who they are, even if it is difficult for me, I will ACCEPT them.

Who else in life should a child turn to when the world feels too cold? Where else should they turn when times are too hard?

I will NEVER be one of those parents that expects their children to be the bigger person for my own sake. I will NEVER leave my child wondering what they could have done better to make me happy. I will never make my daughters feel like they have failed me for finding their own happiness, even it if it is found in a place that I wouldn't have looked.

I am a MOTHER.

What I'm watching.

2009-09-05T17:00:00.000-07:00

So for lack of other relevant things to blog about today... I think I'll blog about what I've been watching on TV.

Top of the list... True Blood (HBO)

Now, at first I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to watch this show. After reading all of the books, I was really irritated at how completely NOT true to the book the series is. I mean, they have taken it TOTALLY outside of the book. Like, I'd say more than half of the show isn't in or part of the books in any way. Then I let go of that. I stopped watching it because I wanted to see the storylines that were in the book (because duh, I already know whats going to happen if they follow the books storyline) and started enjoying the show just because it's fun to watch and because the story that they DID use, was actually pretty good. It is a little more graphic than I was expecting, a little porn-ish in some places but Hey, its HBO so I was expecting that.
We are one episode away from the second season premiere and I'm again having a hard time. I started to appreciate the show for its story...but now the story is pissing me the hell off. I won't spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it yet and are watching, or are going to watch...but for those of you who have been watching, then you get it. You understand.

OK, so number two on my list of stuff that I'm watching is a really fun show called Leverage (TNT).
It's a really fun show about a group of super thieves who have come together and are using their powers for good instead of evil. I didn't think I was going to like this show when I first heard about it...but once I started watching it I realized that its a really good show. It's funny and smart and you don't always see the twists coming. The characters are hilarious and each episode gets a happy ending, and sometimes you just need a happy ending, ya know?

Third on my list... Saving Grace (TNT).

Love Holly Hunter, really do...and I LOVE her character in this show. She's hilarious and wicked sexy...and every character in the show is great too. Holly Hunter plays a cop who's having a "thing" with her partner, but also being visited by her Gaurdian Angel, Earl. I mean, come on, it just doesn't get any funnier than that. AND it has a wicked awesome theme song.

Fourth and last on the list is Nurse Jackie (Showtime).

Great show, super funny... little dark but Hey, its Showtime, so you kinda had to expect that right? Edie Falco plays a nurse with a drug habit, a husband, two kids and a boyfriend named Eddie. My favorite character on the show though isn't the lead, it's the best friend who is a Doctor. She is rich and self centered (but with the best intentions of course). It really is a great show, only thing I would change is make it longer, it's only a 30 minute show!

yawn soooo sleeeeepy

2009-09-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the worst headache I have ever had in my entire life. I get headaches all the time, but they are usually because I haven't had my necessary dose of caffeine... yesterdays headache far surpassed what my usual headaches feel like. I couldn't even open my eyes...it was awful.

So today I feel like garbage. Luckily I don't have to be at work until 2...so I can lay around and be lazy, at least for a little while.

So here I am, laying on the couch watching the old episodes of Charmed on TNT and I just felt like announcing it.

Keep On...keepin On.

2009-08-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

Note to self:

It feels bad today, but tomorrow will be better.

Sometimes you just gotta have Pancakes for dinner.

2009-08-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

As usual, I didn't plan what to make for dinner ahead of time.

6:30 rolled around, and the kids are asking me whats for dinner. The three year old wants Peanut Butter and Jelly (which she would eat every single meal if I let her) and the eight year old wants Top Ramen (which she would eat...every single meal if i let her).
I considered letting them have their way, and making them their requests...but then I realized that in doing that, I would then have to make a THIRD meal, because I needed to eat too, and my days of Top Ramen for dinner are WAY over.

So I go to the cabinet and stare. Then to the fridge and stare. Both are totally stocked, and I have the fixings for just about every meal that I like to make... but of course, nothing at all sounds at all appetizing.

I look over at the kids sitting on the couch, looking at me waiting to see what I'm going to make... then I look back at the cabinet, and then back at the fridge. Still nothing jumping out and saying "MAKE ME!". Damnit.

As I'm about to close the cabinet and go again to the fridge, I see the pancake mix.
Mmmmmm... pancakes. It's quick, easy, and Both of the kids will eat it without complaint.
So I whip up a batch of pancakes, and then decide to make the kids scrambled eggs, and then decide to make myself a couple of fried eggs to put on top of my pancakes
(I know, thats sooo weird)lol.

So all in all dinner turned out well, and everyone left the table full and happy.

Sometimes, you just gotta have pancakes for dinner.

Is it a Wedding or a Ceremony?

2009-08-21T11:25:00.000-07:00

The other day I was talking to my friend on the phone and he asked me when Gf and I were going to get married.

My response, as it usually is, was "Eventually".

That got me thinking about the whole wedding thing again.

When Gf and I first got engaged I got asked all the time if we were having a wedding or just a ceremony. I'm not exactly sure what the difference is between these two concepts. So I decided to do a little bit of research.

Websters defines a wedding as:

Main Entry: wed·ding
Pronunciation: \ˈwe-diŋ\
Function: noun
Usage: often attributive
Date: before 12th century

1 : a marriage ceremony usually with its accompanying festivities
2 : an act, process, or instance of joining in close association
3 : a wedding anniversary or its celebration —usually used in combination

Websters defines Ceremony as:

Main Entry: cer·e·mo·ny
Pronunciation: \ˈser-ə-ˌmō-nē, ˈse-rə-\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural cer·e·mo·nies
Etymology: Middle English ceremonie, from Middle French ceremonie, from Latin caerimonia
Date: 14th century

1 : a formal act or series of acts prescribed by ritual, protocol, or convention ceremony>
2 a : a conventional act of politeness or etiquette ceremony of introduction> b : an action performed only formally with no deep significance c : a routine action performed with elaborate pomp
3 a : prescribed procedures : usages ceremony attending an inauguration> b : observance of an established code of civility or politeness ceremony and strode in

Ok, so that clears that up. We are definitely having a Wedding.

Now the fun part is planning this wedding.

The differences between a "traditional wedding" and our wedding... well thats a long list.

Who performs the ceremony? It isn't a "legal" marriage, so we don't need a marriage certificate, but do we make something up so that we have something to hang on the wall? Do we have a friend perform the ceremony, or hire a professional?

Does one of us take on the "bride" role, and one the "groom"? Who walks down the aisle, or do we both? Does her dad walk her down the aisle, or does he walk with both of us?

At the end of the ceremony instead of pronouncing us "man and wife" what does the officiante say?

See what I mean? The list goes on...

Soooo in Looove...

2009-08-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

So I was off work today. That would normally be a good thing... especially after my rough night at work last night... but Gf got called into work for a morning shift and so she has been gone, all day.

I have spent too much time alone in this apartment, so now when she leaves, I get kind of angsty and feel like the apartment gets much bigger and quieter, even with my three year old running around.

I guess I just realize in these times when she isn't here, how empty my life is without her. Even in small doses, things just aren't the same without her here.

I can't even enjoy Food Network without her here, because without someone to pass on my commentary to, I just don't have the same desire to watch.

*sigh*

I wish it was time for her to come home.

snap RANT ON

2009-08-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I'm not known for my tolerance of stupid people, but the thing that bothers me THE MOST in the whole world is people who are stupid when it comes to their kids.

There are too many people in the world who have kids, that shouldn't. Let me give you a few examples.

So last night I went out to eat and to hang out and have a couple of beers with my Bestest. Gf stayed home with the baby (who is actually three but she is still my baby). We are sitting outside at the corner of the patio and next to us is a huge group of people celebrating after a softball game. At that point, it was about 8:30 pm aso I wasn't too bothered by the fact that the group had a bunch of kids with them. I wouldn't take my kids to a sportsbar/grill at night, but thats my perogative as a parent.
At about 11:00 the group was still there, still drinking. Three or four of the women at the table are getting loud and obnoxious and next thing you know a couple of them have lost their shirts and are in their bras.
WHO DOES THAT? Who goes to a sportsbar and brings their children, and then stays til 11:00 pm drinking and letting their friends get topless in public?

OOOoooor there was an incident the last time we went to that bar. It was about 12:00 am and again we were sitting out on the patio and this girl walks out with a baby that couldn't have been more than four months old on her hip....and A CIGARETTE in her other hand. I mean, seriously. WHO DOES THAT? What would make you think it is ok to have your baby in one hand and a smoke in the other.

UGH. It just bothers me, and it bothers me that no one can do anything about it. There should be a stupidity test when you leave the hospital with your baby, and if you fail it, then you can't take the baby home. I mean you can't leave the hospital without a carseat for the baby, but no one can stop you from driving straight to a bar with a lit cigarette.

It's gonna be a good day...

2009-08-14T08:06:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and just feel good?

Today is one of those days.

It's overcast and not as hot outside, my kids let me sleep until amost 7:30 this morning... and I woke up next to the woman I love.

It just doesn't get any better.

OH, wait. Yes it does, I'm going to go get some Starbucks after I drop the oldest at school. That will complete my awesome morning.

*sigh* Life is Good.

Psssst...Hey stalker.... I can see you!

2009-08-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

Just a quick salute to the person who keeps clicking the "ugly" thing underneath all of my posts.

LOL

Everything happens for a reason... right?

2009-08-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

I've learned the last few years, that everything works out in the end. It doesn't always work out the way you thought it would, wanted it to, or planned on... but different isn't always a bad thing.

I never thought that I would be where I am right now, and yet, here I am. Despite being a little stressed out, I'm happy. I've never had that before. Everytime stress started to get bad, I would start losing it. I didn't have anyone to share the burden with. I didn't have a hand to hold to get me through the tough times.

Well now I have that hand to hold, and I'm seeing stress in a new way. I'm seeing this stressful situation as a chance for a change for the better. Maybe this is the opportunity for me to do something that I was REALLY MEANT to do. Just another stepping stone on the way to my destiny.

Wow that sounded really corny right? lol.

Anyways, the point of my ramble this afternoon was to say that everything happens for a reason. (Well maybe not everything, but most things. Nothing is one hundred percent in this life.)

So for anyone else out there who may be stressed out today, find a hand to hold and remember that it all works out in the end.

sob I feel so old

2009-08-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

My baby started third grade yesterday. THIRD GRADE. Ugh...that makes me feel so old. I remember like it was yesterday, laying on the bed with her next to me the day she came home from hospital. I remember thinking that she was the most amazing thing I had ever done, and being completely awestruck by the absolute perfection that I had managed to create.

I can't believe that 8 years have passed since that day, and my baby is already halfway through elementary school.

Omg. She will be in High School in five years.

*sigh*

Have you ever wondered...

2009-08-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

What makes people crazy?

There is this person that isn't really in my life, but a peripheral part of my life, and they are crazy. I try not to think about it too much, but occasionally it strikes me just the extent of the craziness and it makes me have to sit down and ponder it.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not being insensitive to people with true mental illnesses. I'm talking about someone who is crazy because they choose to do crazy shit. Obsessing about someone who isn't anything to them, and going out of their way to mess around in the life of someone who just wants to be left alone.

I mean, how is it that a person with a family of their own, a life of their own, has nothing better to do than to sit around and think up ways to make someone elses life difficult. I wish I had that kind of time. I don't even really have time to be posting about this...but I felt the need to vent a little bit today.

I just wonder why.
I wonder why it isn't easier for them to just be happy with what they have, and love their own life without wanting to damage someone elses.

Multimedia message

2009-08-01T20:41:00.000-07:00

Seven am at my apartment, the morning after it rains.

Another year older and wiser...

2009-07-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today is my Birthday.

I am 27 years old.

I never make New Years Resolutions, I tend to reserve major resolutions for myself for my birthdays.

This years resolution? Keep focused. Life is good and getting better every day. I am lucky to have love and happiness, healthy children and a job that I love. I need to stay focused on those good things and not let the small stuff get me down. Leave the past and the people in it behind, accept the things I cannot change and make peace with the way it all happened.

The only thing that stays the same...is that Everything Changes.

2009-07-22T16:03:00.001-07:00

Once again it's time for a sappy sentimental blog post.

So I'm sitting here watching my baby play with her dog, and it suddenly occurs to me that she isn't a baby anymore. She is three. Three whole years have passed since the day she was born.

More than three years actually, but I'm generalizing here.

Looking back on that night she was born, I would have never thought I would be where I am now. I've lost a lot the last few years, and I've gained about as much. I learned a lot about who I am, and how strong a person I can be when I need to be.

There was a time not too long ago that I didn't think I was going to be ok. I didn't think I could get through. I had lost the people that I had come to feel were my foundation. Not that anything was entirely anyone's fault, I had my hand in everything, as did they...but I was truly lost. I didn't know how to move forward.

Now that I'm past that, now that I've found what my true foundation is, now that I have really found my path, and am living a life that is solid, stable, happy and peaceful... I look back and wonder how I could have changed it all to have kept that life, and still have found the life I have now.

I shouldn't, but I miss that portion of my life that I have left behind now. I drive past certain people on the road and wonder what their lives are like now that I am not a part of it. I know that it is all in the past and I have to move on and let it all go...but part of me believes that you don't form those kind of connections to people for no reason. I don't know now, maybe I will never know what the reason was...but I guess it helps me to think that there was a reason to it all.

I may have been the only one who walked away in pain, but I can't hold on to the pain anymore.

So here's to everything changing. For the better (and sometimes worse...but thats just the way it goes). Here's to moving on, and moving forward. Forgiving and being forgiven.

I am the face of Ghey. lol

2009-07-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

The boys over at Meet Adam and Steve (www.meetadamandsteve.blogspot.com) were nice enough to honor me with being the face of the day on their blog.

I told a friend of mine that I was going to be featured, and she was *gasp* shocked that I would want to put myself, and my sexuality out there like that. This totally surprises me because, why wouldn't I? I'm a lesbian. I'm not hiding it from anyone anymore...that's kind of the whole point to being "out". I almost wish that I could just wear a T-shirt that says "YES I REALLY AM A LESBIAN" on it...because I'm sick to death of people not believing me.

Anyways, the point to this whole post was to announce that I was awesome and that I was being featured...and to point all of you in the direction of Meet Adam and Steve. It's a fantastic blog, and they are doing a fantastic thing for the GLBT community by showing every day that we aren't any different than anyone else.

This IS normal.

2009-07-13T18:25:00.001-07:00

I have mentioned before that it bugs me when my family is referred to as "alternative".

I had someone make a comment to me recently, asking if I like not being normal.

REALLY?

My response was, of course, that I am normal. Not that I really support the idea that anyone needs to be or should feel compelled to fit into anything that anyone else categorizes as normal... but I don't see any reason why I shouldn't fit into what normal would look like.

I am an average looking, average wage earning, average apartment living, going to work everyday and takin care of my family kind of girl. I cook dinner and tuck my kids into bed. I do all of the same things that every other Mother I know does.

The only difference between me and those other Mothers is the fact that I am attracted to women.

All of my straight friends have different taste in men, but no one considers them abnormal for liking guys that are skinny or guys that are fat... I just happen to be attracted to something different.

So once again, let me say it.

There is nothing alternative about my family. There is nothing alternative about Love.

What kind of Lesbian am I?

2009-07-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

I was just asked what kind of Lesbian I am.

What does that even mean?

I get so tired of people wanting to put me in a category. Why does it matter which box I fall into?

I am a REAL LESBIAN. I live with, and Love, and will spend the rest of my life with another woman. I have had relationships with guys, but that is a past tense kind of thing, and I don't find myself attracted to men at all. I don't consider myself Bisexual. I'm not experimenting.

I don't wear my hair short, I don't wear mens clothes. I'm also not super femme either. I don't wear alot of makeup or dresses. I don't sport high heels or designer purses.

I'm just a girl who likes girls.

That is what kind of Lesbian I am.

In the grand scheme of things...

2009-07-03T07:11:00.001-07:00

One thing I have learned the last few years is that the things that seem BIG...eventually turn out to be small, in the grand scheme of things.

Learning to take each day as it comes, to evaluate everything that happens on that GRAND SCHEME has been one of my greatest challenges.

Now that I have started to master this concept... I have found myself in much calmer place. Less crisis, less stress. More peace.

I like this place.

I like waking up without feeling like the whole world is sitting on my chest. I fall asleep without the constant rolling of problems in my head.

My wish for everyone today...

Start looking at the world in the mindset of the GRAND SCHEME. Concentrate on the things that are really important...and let the rest of it go.

Lesbos, Homos and Trannys... Oh My!

2009-05-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

When word hit the net that Queerky was going to shut down, I decided to give anyone who needed it, another place to go to get their Forum-Fix.

I started up LesMo (http://lesmo.proboards.com) and it's just a quiet lil place for the less than straight folks (or straight folks if they wanna) to hang out and chat.

Queerky didn't shut down (and you should totally go check it out if you aren't a member, cause it rocks) but I've decided to not give up on LesMo.

If you like message boards, then you'll like LesMo.

Go check it out, join. Chat.

Thanks!

2009-05-12T09:29:00.001-07:00

A new way to blog....taking texting to a whole new level.

True Blood: Book vs HBO

2009-05-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, so about three weeks ago my Bestest got me started reading the "Sookie Stackhouse" series by Charlaine Harris. The series is about a telepathic waitress who gets wrapped up in a Vampire boyfriend and some other supernatural types. It's funny and just a little bit edgy and I really liked the books.

So last night Bestest brought over the DVD series that someone burned for her, and Gf and I started watching... I'm not sure that I like where HBO took the series.

I won't ruin it for you, but it's really nothing at all like the book, and not at all how I pictred everything in my head.

That's the problem for me with books that are turned into movies/series... they never are as good on screen as what I had pictured in my head.

Anyways, the moral of the blog today is that I am somewhat disapointed with the True Blood series, and not at all surprised.

Taking a Moment...

2009-05-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

I just felt like tonight was a good time for me to sit and think about things.

I haven't taken much time lately to just appreciate how lucky I am. Despite the hardships that have come and gone the last few months, things have started to turn up and move forward and I don't spend enough time appreciating the good things I have in my life.

I am now an Itty Bitty dog person.

2009-05-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

Meet the newest addition to our househould. This is Baxter, and he is a 6 month old chihuahua
that we adopted from one of the clients at my work.
He's super cute right? Not totally potty trained yet but we are working on it. He just needs some special attention...and we are more than happy to be the family that gives it to him.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be one of those crazy dog ladies that carries them around in cute little carriers or dresses them in baby clothes... but he will definitely be spoiled.

So far he does pretty good with the kids, he barks at the baby still, but she barks back half the time, so I guess it's a pretty fair exchange. lol.

I guess now I'll have to make friends with other chihuahua Mom's so he can have little chihuahua friends.
Anyone wanna have a itty-bitty dog playdate?

Yeeeesss... I really am a lesbian.

2009-04-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

I am not "obvious".

People don't look at me and automatically figure out that I'm of the girl-liking persuasion. More often than not, I have to make a point of saying it... but even when I d make a point of saying it, I usually get "Really? Like, a REAL lesbian?" as the reaction.

What is a "real lesbian" anyways? *totally beside the point*

Back to my point...

Yes. I really am a lesbian. Yes I really do like girls. Yes I have had relationships with men, and yes my children are both a product of said relationships. BUT that doesn't mean that I'm not a "real lesbian".

I had someone say once, that I only liked girls because I hadn't found the right boy. WEEeell... maaaaybe I only liked boys because I hadn't found the right GIRL.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks Mombian!

2009-04-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

In my usual morning blog-cruise I made my stop on Mombian and this is DEFINITELY my favorite blog post of the day, no... the week.

Dear President Obama: Tell That to My Child

Dear President Obama:
In less than a week, the White House lawn will be swarming with children and their parents, gleeful participants in the White House Easter Egg Roll. Children of LGBT parents will be among them, as they have been for many years. Some of the children in attendance may be LGBT themselves, whether they are aware of it yet or not.

In a first for the White House, your administration reached out directly to LGBT organizations and asked their members with children to attend. I thank you for that. It is a long-overdue move.

But still . . . .

A few days ago, you released a statement in response to the historic Iowa Supreme Court decision that legalized marriage for same-sex couples in that state. Leaving aside the first version of the statement, which disappointingly used the weaker word “protection” instead of “equal rights,” here is what you said:

The President respects the decision of the Iowa Supreme Court, and continues to believe that states should make their own decisions when it comes to the issue of marriage. Although President Obama supports civil unions rather than same-sex marriage, he believes that committed gay and lesbian couples should receive equal rights under the law.

That is both a groundbreaking statement and a disappointment. Groundbreaking because no other president has gone so far in support of same-sex couples. Disappointing because it still upholds the principle of “separate but equal.” As history has shown, the water from a separate fountain never tastes as good.

I ask you then, President Obama: Would you, as our president and as a parent, be prepared to stand up in front of the many children of LGBT parents at the Egg Roll, and tell them the United States will not recognize their parents’ relationships as marriages? Would you be prepared to tell the children who are themselves LGBT that you believe in keeping them out of the institution that has formed the basis of our society for centuries?

These children, like others, have grown up on a diet of fairy tales, nursery rhymes, and television cartoons that present “marriage,” not “civil unions,” as the state to which grown-ups aspire. Some have parents who are legally married in certain jurisdictions. Many believe their parents to be married because that is what their parents have told them. The parents feel themselves to be married, with all the weight of commitment and love that the term carries, regardless of their legal status.

Marriage should not be the only institution to recognize human relationships and give them benefits under the law. Our society is too diverse and complex for that. It is, however, one of them, the most established and honored one, and should be available to all couples, regardless of their genders.

Likewise, marriage is not the only arena that will help LGBT parents and children. Adoption rights, employment non-discrimination, and hate crimes laws will all protect the children who will gather on your lawn. Even the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” will help LGBT servicemembers’ children, many of whom who cannot avail themselves of the benefits and support offered to families of other servicemembers.

At the same time, the issue of marriage equality has a visibility, deserved or not, that gives it a special position in the public consciousness. What message about our nation’s values are you conveying to all children, regardless of their family structures—if you continue to tell them that LGBT families are not worthy of the same respect as others, that LGBT people must still stand outside the institution that is infused into more children’s stories than I can count?

I know that in reality you will not be speaking for or against marriage equality at the Egg Roll itself, nor do I believe such statements would be appropriate to the occasion. It is a time for fun and celebration, not politics. But by releasing a lukewarm statement about LGBT rights just as many families with LGBT members are making their travel plans for the Egg Roll, you do them a disservice and cause me to wonder how you would explain it to their children.

I voted for you because I thought you represented the best hope for positive change in this country. I do believe you are making progress in that regard. Please do not lose your courage on this matter that would mean so much for so many children.

Everyone should go now (run..don't walk) and check out Mombian if you haven't already. Definitely one (if not THE best) of the best Lesbian Blogs on the net. Not just gossip, real news that is relevant to my life as a LGBTQ parent.

A lesson in Veterinary Office Manners

2009-04-07T12:47:00.000-07:00

Lets start with the parking lot and work our way in...

*When you are getting to our office, and you have more than 30 minutes to spare before you're appointment...stay in your damn car. Drive around the block, go grab a drive-thru snack. Do something ELSE. Don't come in with an hour to wait for your apppointment and then spend 45 minutes bitching to me, and our other clients (who are ON TIME) about how long you've been waiting.
NO I can't speed things up. NO I can not squeeze you in 25 minutes early, because that means the person who shows up ON TIME TO THEIR APPOINTMENT would have to wait 25 minutes.
Yes, it is better to be early than to be late...but there is such a thing as too early.

*When you are checked in for your appointment, and the Tech comes up to take you to an exam room, keep control of your pet. Don't give your dog six feet of slack in his leash so that he jumps onto the bench next to the three cat carriers and causes those owners to have panic attacks. If you can't control your dog, let us know, we can help..it's kind of our job.

*Once you are in the exam room, be patient. There are four other exam rooms, with four other people and their animals, and sometimes an animal requires extra attention which they deserve, just like your animal does. Do NOT stick your head out of the room every five minutes and ask when the Doctor will be coming in. If something happens and there will be an extended wait time, then someone will come in and tell you.

*When the Tech comes into the room to get the vitals and prepare for the Doctor, don't help unless we ask you to. It is our job to keep your animal AND you safe. We appreciate that you know your animal better than we do, but we know what an animal can become capable of when put in stressful or painful situations. Your dog might not normally be aggressive, but when we are holding him down to give him shots, or to check a painful foot or wound... we would rather be the bad guys, and have you and the animal remain safe.

*When the Doctor comes into the room to examine your pet, let him examine the animal. Listen to the Doctor and answer his questions. Your ability to google symptoms does NOT make you a veterinarian. You are paying for the expertise of the Doctor, so let him do his job. Be prepared for your appointment with a list of the symptoms your pet has and when they started. Have any relevant medical records with you. The more information we can provide the Doctor with, the better and more comprehensive the diagnosis and treatment will be.

*If your pet requires hospitalization for whatever condition brought you to our office, try to remain calm. We understand that your pet being sick is an emotional situation, but calling our office every seventeen seconds to ask how your pet is doing, is not going to help your pet get better. We will call you periodically with updates, and if there is a change in condition that the Doctor feels you should be aware of.

*When leaving the exam room to pay for your pets treatment, please have your purse or wallet with you. We don't want to juggle your file and the three other waiting clients while you run out to your car. PLEASE do not comment loudly on how expensive our services are. We gave you an estimate of treatment cost BEFORE your pet received treatment, you knew it wasn't going to be cheap, so don't act shocked when you get the bill. We get realllllllllllllllllllly tired of explaining seven million times a day that we don't make the prices. WE ARE THE RECEPTIONISTS. We are only doing our job.

One last lesson on Phone Etiquette.

*When you call our office to set an appointment, have your calendar in front of you. Know what days and times you are available for the appointment. We do our best to schedule when is convenient for you, but it is FIRST COME FIRST SERVE. If you know that you are going to need a 5:30 appointment on one of the two days we are open til seven, then call the week before to schedule. Don't wait until the morning of the day you would like to come in and call and expect the appointment to be available. Those time slots go fast, there are a lot of people just like you that don't get off work until five and need that five thirty appointment.

Thank You for attending this Veterinary Office Manners Lesson, Have a nice day.

There is nothing "alternative" about love

2009-03-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

One of the things that irritates me the most is the way that other people will describe my life, my family.

This morning I was talking to a guy I know, and he was asking if I get a negative reaction from people about my "alternative lifestyle". Now, I know that he didn't mean anything negative by asking that, or using that phrase...but I pointed out that it is the people that refer to me as "alternative" that create the negative reactions.

I don't think that there is anything alternative about my lifestyle. I'm a Mom who loves her kids. I go to work everyday and do my best to provide for my family. I have friends and family and have good days and bad. I struggle and succeed just like everyone else.

There isn't anyhting alternative about any of that.

I don't understand how the gender of the person I love somehow changes the definition of my family.

Itty Bitty Dog's... Part two

2009-03-27T19:39:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to amuse me the way people treat little dogs like they were actually their children.
Take Jill, my co-worker for example. Jill brings her Chihuahua Tinker in to work with her today...dressed up for her birthday. Today was Tink's 2nd birthday so we had a Party for her, with Doggie-cake and everything. Tinker had her pretty birthday dress on for the occasion, very cute.

Now don't get me wrong... my pets are always spoiled too, so I'm not really in the position to cast too much judgment...but I don't go to these kind of extremes. This is Jill with Tink in the Ring Sling that I made to carry my daughter in.

Tink wasn't the only cute dog for today... there was another itty bitty dog that was so cute, I couldn't even help myself but to do that annoying babytalk thing that I make fun of other people for doing at dogs.

It won't be long before I'm posting pictures of my own super spoiled itty bitty dog, and you all can point and laugh at me like i"m laughing at Jill, and all the other itty-bitty dog people out there.

Thought of the Day Thursday

2009-03-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a song that you just can't get out of your head, so you listen to it over and over and over because you just don't get sick of it? I've been walking around singing (and listening to) the same song for the last four days and I think I'm probably driving everyone around me completely insane. LOL.

The song is "Make you feel my Love" covered by Adele (it was originally done by Garth Brooks, just in case you didn't know that).

Now normally, I don't like many songs that are covered outside of the original genre. Like Country songs that turn pop or the other way around, but this song is fantastic the way he did it, and its as fantastic the way she does it. It's beautiful and I am slightly obsessed right now. LOL

Did you know...

2009-03-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is a pink plastic Penis, and yes she is touching it to the tip of her nose.

Did you know that if you put a vibrator on the tip of your nose it gives you an idea of how intense (or too intense) the sensation might be *other places* ?

This theory was tested at the Passion Party that I went to with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago. A Passion Party is where a bunch of (usually married straight girls) get together and giggle at sex-toys, lotions/potions and stuff like that. Most- if not all of it, is definitely not geared towards the Lesbian kind of client...but it was still a hilarious good time.

So the moral of the story is...if you ever want to test out a vibrator without droppin yo'drawers... touch it to the tip of your nose.

Monday is filled with itty bitty dogs...

2009-03-23T19:20:00.001-07:00

So for those of you who don't know, I started a new fantasticly awesome job this week! I'm working in a Veterinary Hospital, and its just the bestest job ever. I worked in Vet hospitals before, so it's not a new field for me, but I had forgotten how much easier it is to drag yourself through a Monday when you get to play with
puppies and kittens all day long.

I mean, come on, who can have a bad day at
work when you are staring at a face like this all day long? This is Miss Tinker. She is the almost 2 year old Chihuahua that belongs to my co-worker. She sits in her own chair in between our chairs at the front desk of the hospital. SO FREAKIN CUTE!

The hard part of this job is going to be NOT
going home with a new adorable furry creature every week. I saw at least 8 puppies today that I just wanted to put in my pocket and take home.
Not all of them were as gorgeous as Miss Tinker of course...but there was some pretty intense competition. Like the Lhasa Apso-poodle mix named Bella (who I couldn't get to sit still for a picture...but I promise she was seriously, dangerously adorable) that I could barely even STAND because she was so cute.

So ya, that is the story of my *awfully hard* (lol) Monday.

Inspired to share more Animated favorites.

2009-03-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

In an effort to distract myself from the replay of Fern Gully (again) I have decided to share some more of my favorite moments/songs from other animated movies that I've been forced to sit through over, and over, and over, and over....

Jack Jack Attack (from The Incredibles).

Anyone who's ever had a teething baby and no sleep can kind of sympathize with poor Kari.

Practice, Practice, Practice! (from The Swan Princess)

"First you were like, Whoa! then we were like WHOAH! Then you were like whoaaaa..."

The children are requiring my attention again...so I will come back later with more favorite animated moments.

Fern Gully...again. And again. And again....

2009-03-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

So my 2 year old has discovered Fern Gully.

Don't get me wrong, I adore this movie. It's probably my most favorite of all the animated movies. BUT after you have watched it seven times in about 48 hours...well your appreciation begins to dissipate.

For those of you childless people out there reading this and asking yourself what the hell Fern Gully is, let me explain.

"Fern Gully, a spectacular rain forest where a bat named Batty, whose radar has gone haywire, joins together with Crysta, Pips and the Beetle Boys to save their world from the evil Hexxus. Ignoring the warnings of her friends, Crysta, the curious tree fairy, explores the world beyond Ferngully. She discovers Zak, a human who is helping to demolish the rain forest. Once Zak sees the beauty and magic of Fern Gully, he vows to save it. But it may be too late. The diabolical Hexxus is on the loose and is intent on destroying all of Fern Gully."
(borrowed from the imdb summary)

My favorite part of Fern Gully... Batty's song. Robin Williams plays the voice of the quirky and damaged bat with a suspicious mind and a heart of Gold.

And coming in a close second...

*sigh*

Even with my love of these songs, my tolerance for Fern Gully is beginning to wear thin.

Shameless Self-Promotion

2009-03-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

Awesome Possum Designs is officially open for business!

Custom Invitations, Announcements, Business cards, logos, stationary and web graphics.

Check it out!

Awesome Possum Designs

The only thing that stays the same...

2009-03-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

Is that everything changes.

Everything changes, and the harder we fight against change...the more it seems to speed change up.

That's all I really wanted to say.

Inspired again...

2009-03-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

In the course of my pre-bedtime blog cruise I stopped in at Hahn at Home and was inspired (as always) by what she had to say tonight.

Go check out Hahn at Home's latest entry...

Got My Rant On: Censorship

Fabulous Purse Giveaway!

2009-03-04T08:16:00.001-07:00

Want the chance to win a fabulous purse from Handbag Heaven?

Check out Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer and enter her contest!

Sometimes...

2009-03-03T11:06:00.000-07:00

I just can't get motivated.

I really need to get moving today, and clean my house, do some laundry, and get ready to go shopping with a friend in a few hours.

Yet, here I am. Sitting on my bed blogging, twittering, cruising Queerky.

I.am.so.lazy.

My 2 year old decided that she couldn't sleep in her crib last night, she needed to sleep in my bed, pressed against my back in the most uncomfortable position. Normally I don't let the kids sleep with me unless they are sick... but lately I have been feeling like I should take advantage of any opportunity to be close to them.
I think I'm really starting to realize that they aren't going to be kids forever, and someday I'm going to look back and wish that there were more memories of them squished in my bed, or taking over my lap.

But anyways, my point was that I'm tired, and unmotivated today.

Ru is being adorable though. She came in my room a little while ago, climbed up on the bed next to me and told me that she loved me too. (Thats her way of saying I love you) So cute.

I'm a lucky, lucky, lazy lady.

Inspired

2009-03-01T09:44:00.000-07:00

I don't often talk about religion, because I don't like arguing about it. It seems that because I'm also a lesbian, talking about my faith turns into an argument every time. That gets tiring.

I'm new to the whole concept of faith. I'm the first one to admit that I don't know enough about what I'm fighting about. I had never been to church at all before I moved to Arizona three years ago.
My oldest daughters grandparents took me to church with them when I moved here, and despite being wildly confused about alot of it, I really felt something that I hadn't really felt before.
Keep in mind that I hadn't really faced what I felt DEEP DOWN and I was NO where near coming out at all.

I felt at home at that church. I felt a connection to the words and the feeling of community in a way I had never felt connected to anything. It gave me something to look at, to strive for. I was inspired by the people around me and their love of each other, and of life.

I started to open myself to the possibility that maybe there was something to this whole "God thing". Maybe that was what the empty broken spot was needing.

I'm still working on that.

I've had challenges to my process.

I lost the people that made me think that faith and love and family were possible, but even through that part of me held on to what I had learned during my time with them.

I have a lot to overcome still. I have a lot of fear when it comes to walking back into that church, but someday I will do it. I have come to far to walk away from it now.

ANYWAYS, my point to todays blog was to mention that I was inspired this morning by another bloggers story of faith. Truth And Love After 40: Created in the image of God Part I

Maybe from now on I'll be less afraid of the argument and talk more about my faith.

Psalms 118:24
This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Follow Friday

2009-02-27T11:02:00.001-07:00

So every now and then I like to spread the blog love.

I'd like to direct everyone to the list on the side of my blog.

These are the other fabulous blogs, and you should read them all.

I Promise

2009-02-23T22:42:00.000-07:00

To my Beautiful Girls,

I promise that I will love you with a deep and unconditional love that defines my purpose in life.
I promise that I will always remember the first thought that I had when each of you were handed to me on the day you were born.
I promise that no matter the trials and hardship of motherhood, I will forever be grateful that I was given the great honor of being your Mother.

I promise to do the best that I can to raise you with a value for life and happiness that I wasn't raised with.
I promise to listen when you need to be heard, and to speak when you need to listen.
I promise that someday when you have difficult things to tell me, that I will reassure you and not turn away.

I promise to be compassionate even when I might not understand.
I promise that no matter what, my bottom line will always be your well being.

I promise to always end a conversation with I love you.

I will always love you,

Mom

Dear S

2009-02-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks for being cool.

*golf clap*

xoxo

me

It's a good day to do a Good thing

2009-01-28T13:17:00.000-07:00

So I followed a twitter to a blog yesterday and found Jess I Am.

Go check out this blog and do something nice for someone who deserves it. Leave a comment, make a donation, or if you have another way to help... then do that.

Put some good energy out there. Pay it forward...you know, do a Good thing.

----------------
Listening to: Stillwater - Feverdog

The best lil Lesbian board on the web...

2009-01-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

I've done my fair share of cruising the web for fun message boards to hang out on. Well my search for the best Dyke board on the web is over.

Queerky is by far the least dramatic and all around fun place to hang out.

So if you are of the girl-likin persuasion...check it out. Lots of cool chicks, talkin about stuff.

Being a Mom...and ME at the same time.

2009-01-23T19:28:00.000-07:00

I imagine I'm not the only woman out there to experience this internal struggle. The balance between being a mother, and having my own identity has always been a difficult thing for me to maintain.

I've always felt that the kids COME FIRST. That has always been my bottom line. Going back to when I was 17 and pregnant with my first child... I learned what kind I was really made of. I faced labor and delivery with no drugs. I worked two and three jobs at a time to support us, to the point of total exhaustion and misery... I would push myself if it meant I was keeping her in the "good diapers".

It wasn't until moving 15 hours away from everything familiar to me, so my daughter would be closer to her father and his family that I realized that I hadn't done anything for myself in the five years since her birth.
It was time for me to embrace something that I had been suppressing my whole life, especially since becoming a Mom.

It was time for me to come out. It was time for me to take control of my own happiness and stop pretending to be something that I wasn't, just so I could provide a "normal" family picture for my kids.

So here we are now, I've come out and am in a committed relationship with an amazing woman who is great with my kids... but I still feel myself having that struggle.

When my daughter comes home from her Dad's house confused about what my being gay means, when she asks me if I'll go to jail for marrying my girlfriend because gay marriage is illegal... it is times like that, when I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I wonder if I'm being selfish putting her in the position to have to not only learn to stand up for herself, and her own feelings, but to stand up and defend mine as well.

I try to remind myself that in order to be the best mother I can be to those babies, that I need to be happy too...and living a lie, even for their benefit will never make me happy.

Pizza, UFC and Beer

2009-01-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine is coming from out of town to hang out tonight, and instead of going out with all of my well intentioned, but incredibly straight friends...we have decided to just hang out in my apartment, watch the UFC fight (not really my first choice in entertainment...but my friend is into that stuff...so whatever) drink some beer, eat some pizza and bullshit.

Gooood times!

Thought of the Day Thursday

2009-01-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, when I feel the urge to blog but have nothing of specific importance to say...I'll choose a random day-of-the-week post.

Today, is Thought of the Day Thursday.

My thought of the day today?

High school.

I've been observing people in my life, both on and off the internet... and it occurred to me that most people are still stuck in the roles that they were in way back in high school.

The girl who was the social outcast, dressing outrageously for attention...is still doing it, only she it now as a way to hide from the world. If she pushes the world away with her appearance, then it is the world's fault that she is unhappy, not her own.

The boy who was the jock in high school, the star athlete with everything handed to him on a sterling silver platter? He still looks at the world like he is owed something. He still treats people as if they are beneath his status, even though all that attitude has gotten him over the last ten years...is a mediocre job in a restaurant.

I look at my own life, and I wonder if someone else looked at me, if they would see me still in that role that I carried back then.

I sure hope not.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-14T11:05:00.001-07:00

I know that it's supposed to be wordless...but I have to say...you had to be there.

lol

269 Days...

2009-01-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

In 269 days.... I'll be a married lady.

Well as married as a lady can get when marrying another lady (in this state anyways).

Married in all of the ways that matter. I like the way that sounds. All of the ways that matter.

Maybe someday we'll go somewhere where it is legal and make things officially legal... or maybe we will hold out until it is legal here, where we live... that is yet to be decided.

It sounds like a lot of days, but that is really less than ten months. That isn't really all of that long.
Wow. In ten months I'm going to be somebody's wife!

Craziness!

The difference between illegal, and not legal yet.

2009-01-12T18:59:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation with my 8 year old yesterday.

Apparently her father informed her that it is ILLEGAL for me to marry my Gf.

To an 8 year old, if something is illegal, you get arrested and thrown in jail if you do it.

How on earth do you explain the difference between something being illegal, and something that isn't legal, to an 8 year old?

So now my poor baby thinks that the wedding that she was until this point, excited about...is going to lead to me being arrested and thrown into jail.
I feel bad for having put her in the position to be caught between parents, and I feel bad for her having to learn to adjust to a difficult situation...

OH! I could just poke her father in the eye for this.

Eight Years ago today...

2009-01-11T10:58:00.001-07:00

I gave birth.

Happy Birthday to my Lilybug.

I think back on that day, and I remember how scared and overwhelmed I was at the idea of being a Mom... seems like so long ago, but at the same time it feels like it was just yesterday.

Eight years ago at this very moment I was in my 76th hour of labor and telling everyone in the room that I would never ever EVER have any more kids, I was never having sex again in my life, and I was going to become a Nun. lol

I guess what they say is true, you do forget. I barely remember what the pain was really like, or how it felt. Must have, cause here I am after having another baby and still wanting more.

Anyways... Happy Birthday to my Baby

Sunday, Boring Sunday...

2009-01-04T17:10:00.000-07:00

Today has been SO BORING. The baby and I laid on bed for most of the day watching cartoons and movies...I kind of-sort of cleaned my house a little bit...and now we might (maybe) go have dinner at a friends house and play some Guitar Hero.

I love days like this, where you have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no reason to put on makeup.

It makes me happy in a very yawn-ish kind of way!

April or October?

2008-12-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

So the possible wedding date has become the topic of conversation again.

It has been suggested that we get married in April instead of October. I have no idea how I feel about any of this.

On one hand, it wouldn't matter if we got married tomorrow, I don't care when or how or who is there...all that matters to me is that we are committed to each other.

On the other hand...if we are going to really have a wedding, then I want to do it right. I want to plan something nice that we have to remember for the rest of our lives, and not do anything half-assed.

There are still so many things that we have to figure out! So many little details...

If only I had tons of money with which to hire someone to plan this whole thing for me!

Cause I'm (sort of) creative when I haven't slept...

2008-12-17T23:20:00.001-07:00

Just some rather mediocre poetry that popped out during some of my sleep deprived moments.

I used to be pretty.
When people would describe me they said I was pretty
like a barbie is pretty.
Ordinary prettywith thin limbs,
a small waist and blond hair.
I used to be smart.
When people would describe me they said I was smart.
Like a good student is smart.
Ordinary smart
repeating words from books and following directions.

I want to be beautiful
When people describe me
I want them to say I am beautful
Like a woman is beautiful
With round breasts and full hips
I want to be intelligent
When people describe me
I want them to say I'm intelligent
Like a woman is intelligent.
With opinions and asipirations and direction.

I want people to say that I'm not ordinary.

--------

I will love you
Forever
I will carry you with me
Forever
I will remember the things that you said
Forever
The absence of your body
Will not be
The absence of your memory
I will not forget
The lessons you taught
I will not forgetThe sound of your voice
I will not forget
The importance of your legacy
I will love you
Forever
I will carry you with me
Forever
I will remember you
Forever

I'm so over Christmas.

2008-12-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

Is it January yet?

I've never been a big fan of Christmas, or anything Christmas related, and this year is proving to be no exception.

I'm so sick of christmas music, I could seriously throw up (on an elf).

You're an Idiot.

2008-12-06T12:44:00.001-07:00

I'm not feeling particularly great this morning, so I'm not getting out of bed. The baby and I are sitting in bed watching Discovery Health Channel.

The show is called "I didn't know I was pregnant"

WHAT?

This lady had TWINS. She didn't know she was pregnant until she was 30 weeks and went into labor.
How is that even f*cking possible?

I've been pregnant, only with ONE baby...and I can safely say you would have to be stupid to not know you were pregnant.

Maybe not when you're three months, if you didn't have regular periods, and didn't get morning sickness...but 30 WEEKS? There is a baby in there MOVING and rolling around.

I have only one thing to say to this woman: You're an idiot.

Fantastic Friday

2008-12-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

On some days, when I don't have anything particularly special to blog about, I will make up a random reason.

Today, is Fantastic Friday.

Friday is Fantastic today, because I slept fairly well last night and I feel pretty good.
Friday is Fantastic because my kids slept in to a decent hour and didn't wake me up before the sunlight did.
Friday is fabulous because it means it's one day closer to the day that I'm waiting for.

Friday is Fabulous because tomorrow is Saturday, and I like Saturdays!

Why is your Friday Fantastic?

Day without a Gay

2008-12-03T23:31:00.000-07:00

Day Without A Gay seeks to shift our strong feelings about injustice toward service! Our community contributes $700 billion a year to this economy, yet we are not given equal protections under the law that every citizen deserves.
As such, it is time we make a stand. We are calling for a nationwide strike and economic boycott by all members of our Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered community AND OUR STRAIGHT ALLIES on December 10th, 2008, International Human Rights Day.Call in "gay" on December 10th and instead volunteer for your local LGBT and/or human rights organizations.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
STRIKE: call in gay, shut down your business, or just take the day off.
BOYCOTT: don't buy anything, spend money or support the economy.
PARTICIPATE: Volunteer and/or organize a protest in your area.

TEN TIPS ABOUT WHAT TO DO ON DECEMBER 10:
-Wake up for work on Wednesday December 10th... and call in GAY.
-Go to the bank and take $80 out of your account... put it in your pocket and KEEP IT THERE.
-Do not go get your morning latte
-Do not purchase anything
-Do not contribute to advertising revenue: Meaning, spend 24 hours of your life without TV & Internet
-Do not use your cell phone, even if you have unlimited minutes.
-Instead, DO volunteer. Give to the community and reach out to those that don't understand our community. Check your state page for local volunteer opportunities.
-If you must spend, only do so at an LGBTQ owned establishment with an LGBTQ clientel.
-You have a week to prepare, so go grocery shopping now.
-Volunteering gives us something meaningful to do on our day away from work AND it provides an automatic opportunity for outreach into communities that primarily get media images of the LGBTQ community and our allies, without having to say a word. This is a simple way of putting our smiling, loving faces in places that usually don't see our community.

WHO CAN PARTICIPATE?
Anyone who wants to make an impact and drive a message to our government that WE DESERVE CIVIL EQUALITY. This means the LGBTQ community and it also means our amazing allies!

WHY THE NAME "A DAY WITHOUT GAYS"?
The name was inspired by the film A DAY WITHOUT A MEXICAN and the nationwide strike in 2006 called A DAY WITHOUT IMMIGRANTS that protested against proposed immigration laws.

WHY STRIKE NOW DURING AN ECONOMIC DOWNTURN?
While one day won't destroy the economy, it will send a clear signal that we are serious about getting our rights. Also, strikes and boycotts are more effective in an economic downturn because business owners have more to lose.

WHY A STRIKE AND A BOYCOTT?
General strikes and economic boycotts have been a powerful form of non-violent protest in the history of civil rights movements, from the Montgomery Bus Boycott to the anti-apartheid boycotts in the 1980s. For many of those protesters, their actions came at a great sacrifice but they were willing to risk everything to obtain their rights.

WHAT IF I CAN'T MISS WORK?
That's OK. It's important to note that many states still do not have anti-discrimination laws on the books with regards to employment discrimination against sexual orientation. If you are afraid to miss work, if your pocket book can't handle it, or if you work for a great LGBTQ advocate and friend, then go to work. All we ask is that you PACK YOUR LUNCH. It's that simple. This boycott helps to increase our visibility if we don't go to work, but you can participate in the economic boycott by simply not consuming.

Please help us get the word out and help us call all of the local volunteer organizations to ask them how we can help on December 10th.

Baby Fever

2008-12-03T23:13:00.000-07:00

I am ready to have another baby.

Gf, is not so much ready. We've talked about it, we've argued about it...but my position is basically... I'M HAVING ANOTHER BABY...so she should get on board.

The reality is, of course I am not going to have another baby if she doesn't want to... we are a team, and this is a huge decision and I can't make it for her.
She loves my kids, she considers my kids her kids too, and she treats them like they are. We are a family. I think that our family isn't complete yet, I believe that another baby (or maybe two...?) is what's missing.

We are getting married in 11 months, and I want to start planning on getting pregnant in the first year after we get married. I'm 26, I know I've got plenty of time...but I feel the urge NOW.
I see pregnant women and I have that ache. I read blogs all day long about other couples getting pregnant...and I'm jealous.

Part of why I want another baby so badly, is because both of my children were not planned. Getting pregnant was not a happy occasion, I didn't get to ENJOY being pregnant. I didn't get to have a real baby shower, or have family and friends be excited and happy for me. I really want to experience that. I want to go to prenatal yoga and lamaze classes, I want Gf and I to shop for baby name books and crib sets, and fight about baby names and nursery colors...

I think about all of the pro's and cons... I know that having a baby as a Lesbian couple presents a whole other set of complications...and I know that Gf is anxious about the legality of it all. If we have a baby together, where we live doesn't recognize her as a parent. Our state doesn't allow second parent adoptions, so she can't legally adopt our baby. I can make her gaurdian should anything happen to us...but if God forbid something happened like we split up, then she has no legal rights to our children....and that's scary.

I guess that it is just going to take some time, and some research.

Weddings...

2008-12-02T10:55:00.001-07:00

I am getting married in 312 days. Seems like a long time from now, until I think of all of the things that there are to figure out between now and then. Like, for instance...

Where to have the ceremony?
Who performs the ceremony?
What is to be said DURING the ceremony?
Do we have bridesmaids? What about flower girls?
Do we want formal, or informal?
Day or night?
Inside or outside?
Do we want to write our own vows, or use traditional ones?
Do we have a reception seperate from the ceremony, or do it all together?

Not to mention that there are so many differences between a "traditional" wedding, and a same-sex ceremony. Small things that you don't always realize...like at the end of the ceremony when the officiant finishes the vows... traditionally he would say " I now pronounce you husband and wife" but in a same-sex ceremony... what does he say?
What do we both wear? Gf doesn't wear dresses, but she doesn't want ot wear a suit either... I don't mind wearing a dress, but I don't want to be formal, and have her not be. What about bridesmaids? Do we both have bridesmaids... or does one of us have "groomsmen"?

It's all so confusing.
Since we can't LEGALLY marry here (which I think is total bullshit, expect more posts on that to come) we can pick anyone we want to perform the ceremony... or we don't have to have anyone perform it at all. We can just stand up in front of our friends and family and declare our love and say our vows.

My family won't be involved in the wedding, so who walks me down the aisle? Does Gf's dad walk her down the aisle, even though she is taking more of the "groom" role?

There needs to be a book, a "how to have a lesbian wedding" book.

Love Letters

2008-11-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

I was writing my girl a letter tonite, and I started thinking about all of the beautiful love letters that I've read...

So I decided to devote a blogpost to Love Letters.

To Fanny Brawne:
I cannot exist without you - I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again - my life seems to stop there - I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving ....I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for religion - I have shudder'd at it - I shudder no more - I could bemartyr'd for my religion - love is my religion - I could die for that - I could die for you. My creed is love and you are its only tenet - you have ravish'd me away by a power I cannot resist.

- John Keats

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

-Ludwig van Beethoven

To Robert Browning:
And now listen to me in turn. You have touched me more profoundly than I thought even you could have touched me - my heart was full when you came here today. Henceforward I am yours for everything....
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Paris, December 1795

I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil. Sweet, incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart! Are you angry? Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried?... My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for you lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!

You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.
Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses;
but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.
-Napolean Bonaparte

Feel the Love

2008-11-30T17:51:00.000-07:00

I am blessed.

Actually, I am not just blessed, I am LUCKY to be loved by the most amazing woman.

I just wanted to share that.

World AIDS Day, 12-1-2008

2008-11-29T23:47:00.000-07:00

I borrowed this post from http://www.truthandlovebylandr.blogspot.com/ Please visit her blog!

In 2005, women represented 26 percent of new AIDS diagnoses, compared to only 11 percent of new AIDS cases reported in 1990. Most women are infected with HIV through heterosexual contact and injection drug use.Women of color are disproportionately affected by HIV/AIDS. AIDS is now the leading cause of death for Black women ages 25 to 34.The CDC reports over 56,000 new cases are estimated to have occurred in the United States in 2006.
I personally do not know anyone who has AIDS, but that doesn't mean I won't in my lifetime, or that I just don't know I know someone. While advances are being made everyday in finding an answer to stopping it, the rate worldwide of new infections each year is still over two and a half million. This is no longer just the "gay virus" and it should concern all of us. It is a human concern.
"UNAIDS estimates the number of AIDS case worldwide at 33 million; its previous estimate of 40 million was revised last year because of changes to how it counts cases.Officials estimate that 2 million people died from AIDS last year, down from approximately 2.2 million in 2005." -AP http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/health/AP-MED-AIDS-Report.html
The sad thing is, condoms do reduce the risk of contracting AIDS through sex and clean needle programs help stop the spread through IV drug use, but most cities fear that passing out clean needles means they condone drug use, or worse yet, feel that handing out free condoms condones promiscuity. Of course, there are those men who refuse to wear one because it isn't "macho". Of course dying of AIDS or living on expensive medication regimes is even LESS MACHO.

Baby Steps

2008-11-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

Coming out has not been quick, has not been easy, and is not over.

I spent almost half my life pretending to be something that I wasn't. I became really good at being that "other person". Now here I am, finally admitting that I was lying the whole time. That's hard to do.

A friend of mine asked me why I'm even going to bother coming out to my family. I'm not that close with them to begin with, why put myself through it? I thought about that. Why was I really coming out? Was I trying to find acceptance? Was I trying to prove to the GLBT community that I was one of them? The more I thought about it, I kept coming back to one thing. My daughters.

How could I raise them to be strong, independent women who appreciate and love themselves... if I don't lead by example? How could I teach them to be honest and live honestly, if I was lying my whole life?

I love my girlfriend, more than I have ever loved another person (besides the two I've given birth to) and I want my daughters to see that above all else you should treat the people that you love with respect, and appreciate them. Life is too short to mistreat people.
So how could I be in love with this amazing woman, and hide her from anyone?

I refuse.
So now I have a list of people that know...and a list of people that don't.
I've finally reached the point where the list of people that don't know, is shorter than the list of people who do.
I've survived, and am stronger than when I started, and I feel like I am ready for the next baby step.

ROFLMAO. I don't use those letters lightly.

2008-11-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

While blog cruising, my favorite boredom-inspired past-time.... I came across this, and had to share...cause its ROFLMAO.

The Top Ten Reasons Gay Marriage should be Illegal.

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Precious Moments of Complete Amazement

2008-11-28T17:59:00.000-07:00

On days like this, where I've nothing better to do but cruise blogs and channel surf, I often end up watching movies that I've seen a million times, but love more each time I watch them.

Today was no exception.

I was flipping though my favorite station list and came across 50 First Dates.

I'm not normally a fan of Adam Sandler, but in this movie the amount of fart/balls/dick humor is at a very low level...so I can tolerate his presence.

What I love most about this movie, is the last scene. Drew Barrymore's charactar picks up her daughter and looks at her with that look that all mothers have when they see their babies for the first time. It's a moment of complete amazment, and it makes me tear up.

I try every time I look at my girls, to remember that feeling. I try to remember what it was like the days that they were born, when they were handed to me. I remember that complete and utter AWE at the gift I had been given in this tiny beautiful person.

"Gay enough" What does that even mean?

2008-11-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

To get my blog "out there" I joined a couple of blog directories and listed by blog. Joined a few "comment train" groups, that kind of thing.

So this morning I'm checking my mail and my comments... and I find a comment from some woman in California. My blog wasn't "gay enough" she said, to be listed in a directory for gay and lesbian blogs.

REALLY? My blog isn't GAY enough?

It's a blog about how I'm coming out. How much more gay does it have to be? Do I have to post about political outrage and persecution? Do I have to post graphic pictures or describe all of the "lesbian things" that I do?

Thinking about this made me think about a comment that another person made to me a few months ago when I came out to my friends.
That I didn't didn't seem like a "real lesbian" I seemed more like a "bi soccer mom". WTF?

I thought that the definition of being Gay was being attracted to, and having relationships with a person of the same sex. I didn't realize that really what I had to do, was fit a stereotype.

Do I have to cut my hair and wear boys jeans? Do I have to dye my hair black and wear punk clothes, hang out at funky, hip coffee houses and have a tribal armband tattoo?

My girlfriend doesn't fit that "stereotype" either, but people peg her as a Lesbian right away. I guess she just oozes Gay, but I don't. I don't know if I want to, I don't know why it should matter.

Isn't the whole struggle for equality in the GLBT community mean that we should be as accepting to everyone else, as we want everyone else to be of us?

All that I am thankful for.

2008-11-27T01:35:00.000-07:00

I am an insomniac. While mourning the absence of my girlfriend (she is out of town) I am learning what it means to not sleep. I've laid in bed and watched every info-mercial in existence, re-read every book I own, and I've even taken up knitting again (a post will follow soon about that adventure, trust me) but now I've gone back to the computer.

As I sat here in my bed with my laptop, pondering the deeper meaning of life (actually I was spacing out to my blogroll) I realized that I posted a Happy Thanksgiving post...but I didn't really express Thanks for anything.

So this, faithful blog readers (or maybe, reader?) is my list of what I am thankful for this year.

1. My children. I am blessed beyond words to have two beautiful, healthy, and for the most part well-behaved little girls who give my life purpose.

2. My fiancee. I am blessed to be loved by an amazing woman. Every day she tells me that I'm beautiful and important, and that she loves me. I am lucky to be so lucky.

3. My health. I've been faced with some challenges where my health is concerned, but things are looking up in that department, and I'm hopeful that this coming year will be a pain-free one.

4. My fiancee's parents. Not only am I blessed with a great woman, but a woman with great parents. Her parents have been better to me than my own family, and have given me hope that a long and happy marriage is not just a fairytale. They are amazing people and I adore them.

5. My best friends. I have been lucky to maintain long friendships. I have three best friends, two of which I've had since elementary school, and one that I'm sure will be the most meaningful adult friendship I will experience in mylife. It brings new meaning to sisterhood.

Those are the MOST IMPORTANT things that I am thankful for. Of course, I'm thankful for my great apartment, and my comfortable bed. I am thankful for my full fridge and my stocked cabinets. I'm thankful for good neighbors and loyal friends, cool breezes and mild temperatures.

Thank You to anyone who happens upon my blog today and reads it, and I hope that everyone else has as many if not more things to be Thankful for today.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share something that few people know about... President Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation.

By the President of the United States of America.
A Proclamation.
The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consiousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom. No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.
In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington, this Third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the Unites States the Eighty-eighth.

By the President: Abraham Lincoln

Lesbanim Mom.

First a review...and then a giveaway!

It's that time of year again...

When Life just...gets away from you.

The Common Thread: Knitting and Crocheting for HIV/AIDS patients

American Cancer Society: Relay for LIFE!

I am so bad!

Back in the BabyWearin game...

I can see clearly now...

Coffee, I love you.

When you can't change it, just let it go.

Saturday Morning...

Why do I bother?

Kids coming out of my ears...

Please Vote for Ruby!

The only Man for me

Farewell Dear Friend...

I'd like to say my hair...but not today.

Chores. Yay.

Guilt.

Is it WHO you are, or WHAT you are, or is it BOTH?

Feelin like a lil Aerosmith today...

Sometimes you just need a nap.

Coupons make me happy.

Keep on Keepin on.

Sunday's are my Friday's.

Watching Babe

It's my Monday

The Flu. Ick

Survey Says...

For those of you who feel what I'm feelin.

What I'm watching.

*yawn* soooo sleeeeepy

Keep On...keepin On.

Sometimes you just gotta have Pancakes for dinner.

Is it a Wedding or a Ceremony?

Soooo in Looove...

*snap* RANT ON

It's gonna be a good day...

Psssst...Hey stalker.... I can see you!

Everything happens for a reason... right?

*sob* I feel so old

Have you ever wondered...

Multimedia message

Another year older and wiser...

The only thing that stays the same...is that Everything Changes.

I am the face of Ghey. lol

This IS normal.

What kind of Lesbian am I?

In the grand scheme of things...

Lesbos, Homos and Trannys... Oh My!

True Blood: Book vs HBO

Taking a Moment...

I am now an Itty Bitty dog person.

Yeeeesss... I really am a lesbian.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks Mombian!

A lesson in Veterinary Office Manners

There is nothing "alternative" about love

Itty Bitty Dog's... Part two

Thought of the Day Thursday

Did you know...

Monday is filled with itty bitty dogs...

Inspired to share more Animated favorites.

Fern Gully...again. And again. And again....

Shameless Self-Promotion

The only thing that stays the same...

Inspired again...

Fabulous Purse Giveaway!

Sometimes...

Inspired

Follow Friday

I Promise

Dear S

It's a good day to do a Good thing

The best lil Lesbian board on the web...

Being a Mom...and ME at the same time.

Pizza, UFC and Beer

Thought of the Day Thursday

Wordless Wednesday

269 Days...

yawn soooo sleeeeepy

snap RANT ON

sob I feel so old